Resolving Personal Conflict
Because I receive many emails about my honesty and "keeping things real" on this blog, this post may seem vague compared to others. This is meant to share my experience, not the actual people involved. Well, besides me.
There is nothing that eats away at me more than emotion. Hurt, anger, jealousy, annoyance - can all get in the way of running my business.
Over a year ago, I received an email that made me sick. I seriously could not eat for over 24 hours - I was so bent out of shape. This person accused me of things I was certain I did not do. Things were being misread and my hurtful comments were surfacing. The sender explained the situation, but I did not feel I was in the wrong and explained, never to hear back. I took it as "I do NOT care about your feelings, I am right."
Point taken.
Our working relationship was beyond repair. We would run into each other at professional events and avoid one another. It was childish and lame. I would often wonder if the feelings were mutual, or if I was just blowing things out of proportion.
Over a year later, I received a follow-up letter. I finally saw the other point of view and understood how this person felt and where it stemmed from. There was an apology attached and I realized I was partially to blame as well. I assumed things and was upset for an entire year. I sent over my apology as soon as I fashioned just the right way to express myself.
Conflict is ugly. I said things about this person I am not proud of. I gossiped, turned up my nose and thought "who needs you" more than once. After a year of this, I realized that we are all the same - just at different points of our lives, careers, spiritual journeys, etc.
Everyone has times of insecurities, jealously, and bitterness. I wish I would have realized this a year ago and would have solved our differences then. I should have picked up the phone, set up a coffee date and put it all on the table. I do not enjoy confrontation just as much as the next person, however talking about what went wrong was all I needed to get over it and move on.
I'm human. I'm learning. I'm a work in progress.
If you are dealing (or not dealing...) with the conflict in your life right now, I urge you to do something about it. There is a sense of calming and a "weight has been lifted off my shoulders" feeling. No, it might not be easy to talk about it, but putting all your cards on the table might be easier than you think.
9 inspiring comment(s):
Your candor is very refreshing. It's so true - conflict can REALLY eat you alive, but even more than that, it can make you change your behavior in ways that are unbecoming. Clearly, you both were mature enough to 'mend' the situation. My hat's off to you!
Aletha, that is a very well written post. And applicable to all of us.
Remember too, that you (nor I) can change other people's perceptions. You can go through point by point, but they still may have a grudge or hold on to something that angers them. I've let that become their problem.
Then again, it is good to stand up for yourself and it is always better to be direct with a conflict. Often it can be resolved easily, and if it cannot, at least you said your peace.
Bravo. While confrontation isn't fun, it IS a much better choice than harboring anger or hurt any longer than necessary. So many conflicts are from misunderstandings, all to common in this age of written communication.
Thank you for the comments, ladies.
Saundra - you bring up a great point. I often forget that I cannot be in control - occupational hazard, I suppose. Thank you for reminding me.
Great post, Aletha. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Agreed. Confronting is the best way to go. However there are people out there who think they are right no matter what you say, regardless of the facts backing it up, etc. Sometimes you just have to move on. But I usually at least try to compromise. nobody is perfect!
I just love reading anything in your face book page and or blogs. You are so positive and happy all the time! Conflict is a horrible situation to be in-jealousy, insecurity and greed can effect a lot of people in a negative way. I know firsthand-you can be the nicest person in the world-but you can't make people like you. There will always be folks out there who have issues that they need to work on .
I admire your tenacity and all the good energy that you put out there! You are a very talented young lady with a passion for life! Keep Up the great work :-).
Great Post! Thank you for reminding us the importance of positive relationships.
good for you and even better for you for sharing. as always, very well said. thanks for sharing!
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